you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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