Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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