from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
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