I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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