I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
