Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
