Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't deserve a penis
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
how drunk are you?
Several
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
