I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
