She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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