please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
