I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize