you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
