I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
