all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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