i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize