can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
