Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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