the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
