hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
