Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
