And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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