IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
