Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
