Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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