If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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