Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
