At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
