I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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