First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I fill condoms, not promises.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
