i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
