yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
