this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
