please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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