just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You're a waste of cheezeits
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
