I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
