I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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