there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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