Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The power of my boobs compel you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
