A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
