i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
