the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
