Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
