I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
