why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
