Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
