there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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