You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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