So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
