I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
