epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
