is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you win again, gameday.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
