i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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