Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
