I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
