Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
