Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
