She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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