ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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