I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
