bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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