I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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