if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
