We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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