Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
